Being genuinely myself.
Today, sharing photos each day through the month of Pride. Being genuine and showing love to myself. 😊🌈❤️🧡💛💚💙💜💗
Posts
May 7th, Thanking Myself.
Have you ever thanked yourself before? I do it now from time to time. I felt like a letter to myself could be nice to read in the future. Dear Evelyn, Thank you for embracing life months ago, and living in the moment. I admire your strength, compassion, your positivity, hope, love, and peace. All the work you've done has gotten me here, and continuing to teach me. 'Future' Evelyn thanks you too. Keep up the great work, so you may worry less about what was, what could be, and enjoy what is. Sincerely and with love, 'Present' Evelyn
May 5th, Remembering My Cousin.
I took this photo today outside of a church, visited and gave condolences and love to my family. Saw so many people who’s lives were impacted and inspired, while remembering a beautiful and kind soul, my cousin Kathy. I can only hope that when my day arrives, that my loved ones honor me in a similar way, celebrating my life, and with color! I then wrote the following when I shared this photo on my personal profile. The spirit of the day moved me to write and share what was on my heart. “And may you cherish time shared with loved ones, for you don’t know when your last embrace will be. Hopeful your words and actions were that of comfort, and your heartache at ease through the grief of loss. Remembering and honoring in spirit, my family, friends, those tragically gone too soon, those I’ve never met, my last 2.5 years of losses, and my angel babies who watch over us; that are no longer with us. Whatever my future holds, I continue to hold onto hope. And that my life is full of peace...
April 25th, Prayers and Hope
Once I have everything ready, I plan to share. It’s a lot, all at once. And I can’t avoid it any longer. Prayers and hope are appreciated!!
April 4th, 2023. Thoughts, Prayers, Positivity.
I could really use some thoughts, prayers and positivity this morning. My neck MRI is today and hoping for answers as to why I’ve been in pain for so long now. Pain and tingling in the back of my neck, restricted muscles around the area of pain, and weakness, numbness and pain down both arms. It’s been a journey and I’m more than ready, and hopefully I finally get the relief and healing I’ve needed. Thank you all for your continued support! Scrubs for this morning’s neck MRI. I have to say, it’s not my least favorite scan I’ve done, however it wasn’t great either. Was challenging to hold myself still with my neck pain, my shoulder, arms & wrist pain, low back pain, and my right drop-foot sagging down for about 45-or-so minutes. Was told my orthopedic doctor and my patient portal, should have results sent in within 24 hours. Fingers crossed this helps provide answers. I’ve been doing scans like this for around 17.5 years. As well as multiple surgeries. Thank you for your conti...
March 24th, 2023. What Happened To You? My thoughts and review.
Just finished the book, What Happened To You. I plan to buy the book now, so I can re-read and share the parts I’ve enjoyed. It was so great, and I believe this book has been a key in my most recent growth as a person, and healing. If you haven’t read ‘WHAT HAPPENED TO YOU?’ CONVERSATIONS ON TRAUMA, RESILIENCE, AND HEALING, by BRUCE D. PERRY, MD, PAD, and OPRAH WINFREY, this is the moment where I recommend highly, maybe you should! This book is for those who have or don’t have a difficult or traumatic past, or have family, friends, acquaintances, children, or others; who have big or triggered emotions when they are upset or are having a challenge regulating themselves. Feel free to raise your hand if you feel like any of these relate to you. If you’ve ever felt lost, or have heartbreaking memories in your past, this book is for you. If you’d like to know how other people may be experiencing and feeling, this book is for you. If you know someone who is struggling at work, or ...
March 21st, 2023.
Last week I went in to see my orthopedic doctor in Lee’s Summit. He did an EMG on my neck (checking nerve responses and also using needles, ouch!). I’ve been having pain and tingling for years in my neck. This has also caused me to have restricted movement. When I sleep on my sides, at times it feels near impossible to get comfortable without pain starting at my neck, my shoulders, then all the way down my arms to my fingertips with numbness. I learned that the last four years, since I had the EMG done, that my carpal tunnel in both wrists is now so severe that I will need to see a hand specialist, for outpatient surgery. Of course I am waiting until after I get my new walking brace for my drop foot, as to not do any new damage to my wrists after surgery. My brace appointment has also been delayed due to it not arriving a month after my custom mold was done. By the time I finally get my walking brace, so long that it actually arrives on time, it will be about two months of waitin...
March 4th, 2023. Asking for Support, and Letting Go.
Yesterday was a very difficult and emotional day for me. Technology wasn’t working and I basically “lost it” and overwhelmingly cried for the bulk of the entire afternoon. I then reached out to one of the groups I volunteer in, and said I couldn’t get what I needed to, completed on time. It was quite frustrating and I felt like I had failed, and I still feel that way. I should be invincible, right?! No, I am not. Everyone chipped in and helped, I knew they would, however I didn’t want to add to their list of responsibilities. Guess what friends, THIS is what community is about!! Helping each other. I then made a video that spanned the length of about 45 minutes in total, and shared it on my personal profile. I talked about what’s been happening in my life and opened up about the struggles I’ve been facing. I plan to share here soon, however, hopefully, it will be a little less emotionally charged. I can still count on one hand how many times I’ve cried since November 1st, yesterd...
March 1st, 2023. Rough transitions.
I’m feeling so exhausted tonight. Rough bedtime transition, it’s hard to be a parent after multiple losses, including your child’s sibling that they got to meet. I just wish there was a solution and also, that I had been a more emotionally calm person years ago. Inner guilt is something I don’t wish to linger on, so I’m going to try to extend myself grace and forgiveness. We can only do the best we can with the information we have at the time. So the past stays in the past, we can learn from our experience, and that knowledge can help shape our present and future. I just hope the future finally helps bring each one of us in this household, peace.
Day 2 video check-in on Holding Onto Hope.
Originally shared from my Facebook Page, Holding Onto Hope . February 22nd, 2023. Click here to view the original Facebook post . " Day 2 with a video check-in. Been experiencing quite a bit lately, keeping busy today. I hope this season of Lent is peaceful for you. Looking forward to journaling every day during Lent. This video isn’t 11 minutes today so feel free to tune in. We all can use a little bit of hope, and you know I’m holding onto so much hope these days. Remember self-care, be there for others in your community, and may you have a gentle week. If it’s warmer today, get outside and enjoy some sunshine. Namaste and take care. "
The season of Lent
Originally shared from my Facebook Page, Holding Onto Hope . February 21st, 2023. Click here to see the original Facebook post . " Hello and good afternoon. I hope today finds you as well as can be. I wanted to do something today that is a little out of my comfort zone, make a video and sing a song. This video is unedited, and me. Nervous, anxious, self-conscious, and rusty vocals. No filters, no makeup, and no prep time beforehand. *Editing to add that this is more just myself talking, as I forgot that melody part way through the song, so thanks for listening.* My heart has a large great of thanks to our friends who invited us to First United Methodist Church Blue Springs , one year ago was our first visit, and we have been attending ever since. I feel like a part of a caring, compassionate community, my spiritual family, and thankful to be a part of a wonderful Life Group of parents. Even my kiddo is growing spiritually as person and I enjoy watching him as he figures out...
If My Life Were A Poem.
Unconditional love, bright lights, cries, warmth, growth, conditions, fears, years. Dark river, drowning, gasping for air, waves crashing down, drifting to the ocean. Rocking Horse, forward, back, forward, back, sunshine, laughter, bright smiles. STOP ACTING LIKE A CHILD! Tears, black, blue, gas-lit, desperate prayers, disappointment, deaths, guilt. Loneliness, confusion, longing, missing, bad decisions, buried trauma. School, field trips, teacher's pet, drifting, friends, changes, sleepovers. Last freshmen year of middle school, driving, high school dances. Choir, band, drama, photography, multiple clubs, hang outs, fast food. Misdirection, deception, unknowing, denial, car crash, braces, intentional plea. SOMEONE LISTEN TO ME! Misrepresentation, celebrations, competitions, awards, ribbons, graduation. Unsaid words, searching for meaning, kinship, connection, whirlwind, breathless. Exposed, happiness, quick courtship, I Do, honeymoon, collage rejection, injury. WHY I...
Introducing a more enlightened me.
Grief counseling, haircut, energy work, thrift-store browsing, and seeing friends at the PTA meeting. Today was exactly what my heart needed. Introducing this more enlightened, open hearted, full of hope and love, spiritual, more mentally and emotionally stable; me. 😌💚 Its been quite the week of realizations and growth. Looking forward to what this part of my life blossoms into. Finding the peace with acceptance, we have no idea what awaits us in the future, we learn from the past, and make the most of our moments that help shape the future. Remember to be kind to yourself. Much love and thanks to everyone who’s been there for me, and my family, while I walk this unknown path, and guide myself through the fog to a clear horizon. 💗