Thoughts of an Angel Mommy, Chapter Five

I wanted to share a song I’ve been working on for months. I began in March and finally finished today, in August, when the lyrics were singing through my mind. Almost like a part of me was saying, “You are ready to write again.”  I’ve experienced a lot in this lifetime. Through a challenging childhood, surgeries, disability, physical ailments that have been causing all numbers of difficulties. Multiple deaths in my families, over half a dozen lost pregnancies. And the latest from the past few years has been the hardest. My joints and nerves constantly battling one another, osteoarthritis and fibromyalgia diagnosis (to which I already had suspected the fibromyalgia for years). Watching closely for other physical signs that could arise.  Even though I’m losing my physical strength, and ability to walk, I’ve not lost my mind, nor lost my hope. I am going forward and holding onto hope, while remaining realistic. Thank goodness for my optimism, it’s helped me when I’ve been in surv...

Morning reflection after receiving my fibromyalgia diagnosis this week… “ Water dissolving and water removing There is water at the bottom of the ocean Under the water, carry the water Remove the water from the bottom of the ocean Water dissolving and water removing Letting the days go by, let the water hold me down Letting the days go by, water flowing underground Into the blue again, into the silent water Under the rocks and stones, there is water underground Letting the days go by, let the water hold me down Leting the days go by, water flowing underground Into the blue again, after the money's gone Once in a lifetime, water flowing underground You may ask yourself, "What is that beautiful house?" You may ask yourself, "Where does that highway go to?" And you may ask yourself, "Am I right, am I wrong?" And you may say to yourself, "My God, what have I done?"” Lyrics shared from : talking heads once in a lifetime lyrics https://g.co/kgs/7g...

  Originally from my Facebook Page, Holding Onto Hope , shared on March 29th, 2023. Click here to view the blog and video .  "My heart feels like it’s glowing today, the first time in a long time. Snapped a few photos or myself wearing my orange shrug with my red and white ‘Follow Your Heart’ T-shirt, my mala around my neck, rainbow crochet bag strap around my side, curly brunette hair, ear and nose jewelry, subtle lip color, no make up. After snapping some fun photos, I made a short video. The video has a few words I decided to add throughout, as well as upbeat music that describes what my heart is feeling this moment, my soul is glowing too. I hope this feeling sticks around for awhile. Video words: Find Your Joy, Take Care Of Yourself, Do What Lifts You Up, Make Dreams Reality, Be Bold, A Glowing Heart Is A Happy Heart. "

 February 24th, 2023, originally from my Facebook Page, Holding Onto Hope . Feel free to click here to see the original post .  " Good evening everyone, I wanted to share what I wrote last night after I had the worst panic attack I’ve had in my life. Apparently I’ve been unintentionally internalizing my feelings and not expressing, to many other than a few close family, my church, and my friends; what I’ve been experiencing the past few months. Watching your body fall apart, is hard, there are not enough words to describe the sorrow it brings. Grieving the loss of physical movement, the ability to walk… Without further ado, here is the poem I wrote. And I’ll be sure to link my blog post in this too, just in case you missed the post I shared before this one. Slow FAST Decline Written by Evelyn L. Schwenke, February 24th, 2023, at 12:10am. If you knew how hard it was, would you say ‘At least it’s not as bad as…’ “fill in the blank”? Or remind me of how strong I am, after all, tr...

  Unconditional love, bright lights, cries, warmth, growth, conditions, fears, years. Dark river, drowning, gasping for air, waves crashing down, drifting to the ocean. Rocking Horse, forward, back, forward, back, sunshine, laughter, bright smiles.  STOP ACTING LIKE A CHILD! Tears, black, blue, gas-lit, desperate prayers, disappointment, deaths, guilt. Loneliness, confusion, longing, missing, bad decisions, buried trauma. School, field trips, teacher's pet, drifting, friends, changes, sleepovers. Last freshmen year of middle school, driving, high school dances. Choir, band, drama, photography, multiple clubs, hang outs, fast food. Misdirection, deception, unknowing, denial, car crash, braces, intentional plea. SOMEONE LISTEN TO ME! Misrepresentation, celebrations, competitions, awards, ribbons, graduation. Unsaid words, searching for meaning, kinship, connection, whirlwind, breathless.  Exposed, happiness, quick courtship, I Do, honeymoon, collage rejection, injury. WHY I...