Thoughts of an Angel Mommy, Chapter Five

I wanted to share a song I’ve been working on for months. I began in March and finally finished today, in August, when the lyrics were singing through my mind. Almost like a part of me was saying, “You are ready to write again.”  I’ve experienced a lot in this lifetime. Through a challenging childhood, surgeries, disability, physical ailments that have been causing all numbers of difficulties. Multiple deaths in my families, over half a dozen lost pregnancies. And the latest from the past few years has been the hardest. My joints and nerves constantly battling one another, osteoarthritis and fibromyalgia diagnosis (to which I already had suspected the fibromyalgia for years). Watching closely for other physical signs that could arise.  Even though I’m losing my physical strength, and ability to walk, I’ve not lost my mind, nor lost my hope. I am going forward and holding onto hope, while remaining realistic. Thank goodness for my optimism, it’s helped me when I’ve been in surv...

  When First United Methodist Church Blue Springs gave these to the kiddos at the beginning of their school year, I was reassured that we were at the place we were meant to be. I still feel that and thankful for the community, friendships, support, spiritual guidance, joy, love, encouragement, and peace; attending this church has brought us. Happy Pride Month, dear friends, family, and those I’ve not met! May this be a gentle, joyful month for you, and that you feel you can celebrate your unique and beautiful individuality. (Photo featuring a backpack tag that has rainbow colors, that to me, represents pride; and it says “you are loved” in all caps.)

  Have you ever thanked yourself before? I do it now from time to time. I felt like a letter to myself could be nice to read in the future. Dear Evelyn, Thank you for embracing life months ago, and living in the moment. I admire your strength, compassion, your positivity, hope, love, and peace. All the work you've done has gotten me here, and continuing to teach me. 'Future' Evelyn thanks you too. Keep up the great work, so you may worry less about what was, what could be, and enjoy what is. Sincerely and with love, 'Present' Evelyn

  Hugs and love to those who are treading or feel underwater right now.  <-- Click the first sentence to view the video on Facebook.

  Yesterday was a very difficult and emotional day for me. Technology wasn’t working and I basically “lost it” and overwhelmingly cried for the bulk of the entire afternoon. I then reached out to one of the groups I volunteer in, and said I couldn’t get what I needed to, completed on time. It was quite frustrating and I felt like I had failed, and I still feel that way. I should be invincible, right?! No, I am not. Everyone chipped in and helped, I knew they would, however I didn’t want to add to their list of responsibilities. Guess what friends, THIS is what community is about!! Helping each other. I then made a video that spanned the length of about 45 minutes in total, and shared it on my personal profile. I talked about what’s been happening in my life and opened up about the struggles I’ve been facing. I plan to share here soon, however, hopefully, it will be a little less emotionally charged. I can still count on one hand how many times I’ve cried since November 1st, yesterd...

 Originally from my Facebook Page, Holding Onto Hope . March 2nd, 2023. Click here to see the original post and video .  "Nine minutes and thirty three seconds, that’s all I’m asking for you to take the time out of your day to listen. I’ve been experiencing a lot lately and it’s simply overwhelming. So thank you for taking the time today to hear me, and I want you to know you’re not alone. If you can relate at all, I’m here for you to be your sounding board. One of the best things we can do is support others. Remember to take care of yourself, that’s what I’m going to do now, for as best as I’m able today, all while trying to accomplish with what I need to do. I appreciate your prayers, positivity, encouragement, love, and support. It means more than you know. Thank you, Namaste and take care! "

  Tomorrow morning is my first psychiatry appointment. Been unable to do much today as the weight of the world feels like it’s on my shoulders. The physical aches and pains don’t help either.

 Originally shared from my Facebook Page, Holding Onto Hope . February 21st, 2023. Click here to see the original Facebook post .  " Hello and good afternoon. I hope today finds you as well as can be. I wanted to do something today that is a little out of my comfort zone, make a video and sing a song. This video is unedited, and me. Nervous, anxious, self-conscious, and rusty vocals. No filters, no makeup, and no prep time beforehand. *Editing to add that this is more just myself talking, as I forgot that melody part way through the song, so thanks for listening.* My heart has a large great of thanks to our friends who invited us to First United Methodist Church Blue Springs , one year ago was our first visit, and we have been attending ever since. I feel like a part of a caring, compassionate community, my spiritual family, and thankful to be a part of a wonderful Life Group of parents. Even my kiddo is growing spiritually as person and I enjoy watching him as he figures out...

Grief counseling, haircut, energy work, thrift-store browsing, and seeing friends at the PTA meeting. Today was exactly what my heart needed. Introducing this more enlightened, open hearted, full of hope and love, spiritual, more mentally and emotionally stable; me. 😌💚 Its been quite the week of realizations and growth. Looking forward to what this part of my life blossoms into. Finding the peace with acceptance, we have no idea what awaits us in the future, we learn from the past, and make the most of our moments that help shape the future. Remember to be kind to yourself. Much love and thanks to everyone who’s been there for me, and my family, while I walk this unknown path, and guide myself through the fog to a clear horizon. 💗

  Sunday, January 15th, 2023, was a day I remember. Thankfully, photographs I've taken over the past years, have helped me remember days like this.  Visiting family in the St. Louis area to celebrate my 42nd birthday. A weekend of joy, and also a weekend of pain and tears. However before I discuss my day in what detail I remember, I wish to go back in time a little bit further.  It was the year of 2006, I was preparing to go into lumbar spinal surgery and hopeful it would help with the lumbar disc degeneration, pain, and other uncomfortable difficulties. At the time this was not something I decided on lightly, and I took a lot of faith and trust into the neurosurgeon I was a patient with at the time. Of course, years later I would learn that not only did this surgeon operate on a patient that caused a malpractice law suit to arise, the patient died. Upon further research, information that was not available years prior, years of malpractice suits from multiple patients. I ...