Thoughts of an Angel Mommy, Chapter Five

  Have you ever thanked yourself before? I do it now from time to time. I felt like a letter to myself could be nice to read in the future. Dear Evelyn, Thank you for embracing life months ago, and living in the moment. I admire your strength, compassion, your positivity, hope, love, and peace. All the work you've done has gotten me here, and continuing to teach me. 'Future' Evelyn thanks you too. Keep up the great work, so you may worry less about what was, what could be, and enjoy what is. Sincerely and with love, 'Present' Evelyn

  I’m feeling so exhausted tonight. Rough bedtime transition, it’s hard to be a parent after multiple losses, including your child’s sibling that they got to meet. I just wish there was a solution and also, that I had been a more emotionally calm person years ago. Inner guilt is something I don’t wish to linger on, so I’m going to try to extend myself grace and forgiveness. We can only do the best we can with the information we have at the time. So the past stays in the past, we can learn from our experience, and that knowledge can help shape our present and future. I just hope the future finally helps bring each one of us in this household, peace.

 Originally shared from my Facebook Page, Holding Onto Hope . February 21st, 2023. Click here to see the original Facebook post .  " Hello and good afternoon. I hope today finds you as well as can be. I wanted to do something today that is a little out of my comfort zone, make a video and sing a song. This video is unedited, and me. Nervous, anxious, self-conscious, and rusty vocals. No filters, no makeup, and no prep time beforehand. *Editing to add that this is more just myself talking, as I forgot that melody part way through the song, so thanks for listening.* My heart has a large great of thanks to our friends who invited us to First United Methodist Church Blue Springs , one year ago was our first visit, and we have been attending ever since. I feel like a part of a caring, compassionate community, my spiritual family, and thankful to be a part of a wonderful Life Group of parents. Even my kiddo is growing spiritually as person and I enjoy watching him as he figures out...

 Today begins a new, it feels like the chapters of my life have been filled with more than one person should ever have to experience, yet here I am...  I have wanted to update and write in my blog for months, I feel all I have accomplished is an update to what already has happened in the past. In fact that is what I did today, with finishing up my Thoughts of an Angel Mommy, Chapter Three, and then Chapter Four, and beginning Chapter Five. It's been a process, and I am so thankful I'm doing this.  I have a lot to say and I hope to be able to have the mental strength and endurance to write as much as I can.  I am unsure where to start, I'm tired. Perhaps one day I'll be able to look around myself and able to feel like I can see myself again, happy, peaceful, in a good place. Not physically falling apart.... and that is another story all together, for another day.  Until then...  To read my prior chapters, feel free to visit these links.  Chapter Four...