Stand Up and Say (Not Today)

I wanted to share a song I’ve been working on for months. I began in March and finally finished today, in August, when the lyrics were singing through my mind. Almost like a part of me was saying, “You are ready to write again.” 

I’ve experienced a lot in this lifetime. Through a challenging childhood, surgeries, disability, physical ailments that have been causing all numbers of difficulties. Multiple deaths in my families, over half a dozen lost pregnancies. And the latest from the past few years has been the hardest. My joints and nerves constantly battling one another, osteoarthritis and fibromyalgia diagnosis (to which I already had suspected the fibromyalgia for years). Watching closely for other physical signs that could arise. 

Even though I’m losing my physical strength, and ability to walk, I’ve not lost my mind, nor lost my hope. I am going forward and holding onto hope, while remaining realistic. Thank goodness for my optimism, it’s helped me when I’ve been in survival-mode. 

I’ve begun having overwhelming fibromyalgia flares, freezing to my bones, more difficulty with focus and memory, and headaches again. I was hoping this wave wouldn’t hit me so soon after finally having relief for a week or two, however this has been worst than all before. Hopeful that once school starts in a few weeks, that I will regain some of what has been misplaced. 

May this song provide some insight into my life. I have another I wrote, and recorded, months ago. I plan to share that one too, soon. Hoping this song also helps remind you that when your body talks to you, that you pause, and listen. Take care of yourself, be gentle and forgiving with yourself. Then try to take that kindness and extend it to others. You have no idea the battle each person is experiencing, compassion goes a long way. Thank you for listening, for your continued prayers and kindness. Namaste and take care! 🙏 

Song, created March 21st, and finished August 12th, 2023. 

Stand Up and Say (Not Today),

song written by Evelyn Lorraine S©️08/12/2023. 

(First verse)

Have you ever felt like you’re dying?

Sick and tired of trying. 

Want to feel better, please don’t make it so hard. 

Fears of unknown make you worry,

Past memories feel so blurry,

Dreams of the future, please don’t fade away. 

———

(Chorus)

And then, you stand up and say,

Not today, I’m gonna live life my way,

Tomorrow isn’t here yet, so I’m gonna live today. 

And then you stand up and say, ok, I’m not gonna wait,

I’m gonna keep on to see what the future holds. 

———

(Second verse)

Sometimes frightened and hurried,

Momentum speeds up, halts, leaves me stumbling,

Inner exhaustion won’t take my hope today. 

Praying daily for answers, 

Mantras throughout the day keep me steady,

Watching my body degrade, I’m ready for peace to come my way. 

———

(Chorus)

And so I stand up and say,

Not today, I’m gonna live life my way,

Tomorrow isn’t here yet, so I’m gonna live today. 

And then I stand up and say, ok, I’m not gonna wait,

I’m gonna keep on to see what the future holds. 

———

(Bridge) 

So many tears I’ve cried,

The years are flying by,

Standing in the middle of a hurricane. 

Inconsistency at best,

Forgetting what I felt before the storm arrived and turned me upside down. 

With loss I’ve been given the chance to speak my mind. 

And now I’m fighting to have a life with more time. 

———

(Chorus, a little slower/softer)

And so I stand up and say,

Not today, I’m gonna live life my way,

Tomorrow isn’t here yet, so I’m gonna live today. 

And then I stand up and say, ok, I’m not gonna wait,

I’m gonna keep on to see what the future holds. 

I’m gonna keep on, my story is not finished being told. 

(End) 

 

Photo from Thursday, 8/10/23.