📹 MY HEALTH UPDATE POST. 4/2023. ✍️

Originally shared from my Facebook Page, Holding Onto Hope.  

SOME MAY SAY MY LIFE BEGAN OVER 42 YEARS AGO…

I SAY THAT WITH LOSS CAME APPRECIATION.

AND A LOT OF GRIEF, LEARNING HOW TO WALK AGAIN, PHYSICAL THERAPY, HEALING FROM LUMBAR SPINAL FUSION, USING MULTIPLE MEDICAL DEVICES, WEIGHT GAIN AFTER SURGERY, DEPRESSION, FOOD WAS NOT MY FRIEND, NOR WERE MANY FRIENDS.

HOWEVER,

ONE DAY I HAD AN AWAKENING,

IF I KEPT WALKING DOWN THIS PATH I MIGHT NOT LIVE.

SO I DECIDED TO MAKE A CHANGE, AND THAT WAS THE DAY I SAVED MY LIFE. AND GAVE MYSELF A FUTURE TO FIGHT FOR. All THE REST IN BETWEEN ARE THE CHAPTERS OF MY LIFE.

AND EVERYTHING THAT FOLLOWS… DROP FOOT, NERVE DAMAGE FROM SPINAL FUSION SURGERY, WORSENING CONDITIONS OVER THE LAST DECADES OF MY LIFE, HOWEVER I’VE CONTINUED TO HOLD ONTO HOPE. EVEN WHEN MY BODY HAS OTHER PLANS.

DROP FOOT DETERIORATION, DOCTOR'S APPOINTMENTS, X-RAYS, CT SCANS, MRIS.

I HAVE SEVERE ADVANCED ANKLE AND SUBTALAR JOINT ARTHRITIS, WIDENING OF THE MEDIAI AND LATERAL TIBIOTALAR TOINT, LOOSE BODIES NOTED AROUND THE ANKLE JOINT (MEASURING SLIGHTLY GREATER THAN 1 CM ANTERIORLY).

PROMINENT CYST LIKE AREAS IN THE DISTAL TIP OF THE MEDIAL MALLEOLUS CONSISTENT WITH CHRONIC REPETITIVE TRAUMA.

PROMINENT OSSEOUS EXCRESCENCES NOTED ALONG THE PLANTAR MEDIAL PLANTAR LATERAL ASPECT.

MODERATE TO SEVERE DEGENERATIVE CHANGES OF THE ANKLE JOINT.

EVIDENCE OF A CHRONIC BAXTER"S NEUROPATHY WITH FATTY MUSCLE ATROPHY OF THE ABDUCTOR DIGITI MINIMI MUSCLE.

SIMPLY STATED… MY ANKLE

IS MESSED UP Y'ALL!

I’VE BEEN WALKING ON AN ANKLE THAT CHRONICALLY HAS LOOKED ROLLED OR BROKEN FOR ABOUT A YEAR. IT HAS BEEN PAINFUL AND SAD TO WATCH MY BODY TAKE A DIFFERENT PATH.

MY ANKLE NO LONGER HAS THE STRENGTH IT ONCE DID. EVEN MY LEFT ANKLE ISN’T AS GREAT AS IT USED TO BE.

SO MUCH CHANGE IN A SHORT AMOUNT OF TIME. THERE HAVE BEEN GREAT PEOPLE AND THERAPY DEVICES TO HELP ME ALONG THE WAY.

AFTER A SPIRAL DOWNWARD WITH GRIEF, MULTIPLE LOSES, AND MORE PHYSICAL SETBACKS. I'VE DONE WHAT I CAN TO KEEP GOING FORWARD.

EVEN WITH PAINFUL ANKLE POPS, SHIFTING CHANGES IN MY ANKLE, NECK AND BACK PROBLEMS DUE TO ANKLE COMPLICATIONS, IT IS DISCOURAGING TO WATCH YOUR BODY CHANGE SO DRAMATICALLY. THIS IS NOT WHAT AN ANKLE IS SUPPOSED TO LOOK LIKE.

ICE, HEAT , BALMS, LOTIONS, MASSAGE, PHYSICAL THERAPY, MEDICATION, CBD, THC, DOCTORS APPOINTMENTS, BRACES, WRAPPING, PERSONAL TRAINERS, GYM CLASSES, PRAYER, MEDITATION, ENERGY WORK, PEACE, HOPE, AND ACCEPTANCE.

I'VE USED A LOT OF MEDICAL DEVICES THESE LAST FOUR MONTHS. AND WENT THRIFTING TO GET WHAT I MAY NEED IN THE FUTURE.

The lace up, athletic-like Velcro AFO brace, DID HELP AT FIRST ABOUT SIX MONTHS AGO. HOWEVER MY ANKLE IS A REBEL.

EVENTUALLY I HAD TO USE A WALKING BOOT FOR STABILIZATION. I’VE ALSO HAD A RECENT NERVE CONDUCTION TEST FOR MY CARPAL-TUNNEL AND MY NECK PAIN. IT WAS VERY PAINFUL FOR MY CARPAL TUNNEL. AND MY NECK… OUCH!!!!

HOLDING MY ANKLE IN PLACE AS BEST I CAN.

MY FOOT IS LIKE A FLOPPY FISH WHEN IT'S NOT IN A BRACE. THANKFULLY I HAVE HAD SUPPORT ALONG THE WAY.

I'VE NOT LOST MY SMILE.

I WENT IN THIS MONTH FOR A NECK MRI. FORTUNATELY… “THE ALIGNMENT IS SATISFACTORY”

"NO FOCAL CORD ABNORMALITIES ARE SEEN"

DECIDED TO TAKE A PHOTO OF MY RIGHT ANKLE WHILE I WAS THERE…

…STILL ROLLED.

DECIDED TO TAKE A FEW MORE ANKLE PHOTOS A WEEK LATER… (Still a rolled ankle, that looked very misshapen.)

I FINALLY HAD AN APPOINTMENT TO SEE THE RESULTS FROM MY NECK MRI…

"MINIMAL UNCINATE DEGENERATIVE CHANGES"

"SLIGHT POSTERIOR RIDGING NOTED WITH A MINUTE

CENTRAL DISC OSTEOPHYTE COMPLEX SEEN WITH CORD CONTACT. THE CANAL IS AT THE LOWER LIMITS OF NORMAL."

"MILD POSTERIOR RIDGING IS SEEN WITH MILD CANAL NARROWING AND SOME LIGAMENTUM FLAVUM HYPERTROPHY."

I SUPPOSE ALL OF THAT EXPLAINS THE NECK PAIN AND NUMBNESS GOING DOWN MY SPINE, SHOULDERS, ARMS, WRISTS, AND MY FINGERS.

SOME MAY SAY MY BEGAN OVER 42 YEARS AGO…

…I SAY MY JOURNEY BEGAN 17 YEARS AGO. starting with post surgery, using a wheelchair, learning how to walk again... And many moments along the way.

ADVENTURES, THROUGH THE 'UPS AND DOWNS, NEW LIFE GOALS, AND NEW HAIRSTYLES, VACATIONS AND HOLIDAYS.

MORE SURGERY AND RECOVERY, NEW BRACES… AND DECLINE.

TWO MONTHS AGO I HAD AN ANKLE CAST MADE TO SPECIAL ORDER A NEW BRACE. IT WAS A LONG TWO MONTHS OF WAITING… AND ONCE I HAD MY NEW BRACE. I FELT SO HAPPY!

LIKE MY LIFE COULD FINALLY BEGIN…

IT’S GOING TO TAKE AWHILE TO GET USED TO THE FIT. I FEEL LIKE MY NEW BRACE IS HELPING SO FAR. EVEN TREATED MYSELF TO BRAND NEW SHOES FOR THE FIRST TIME IN YEARS! YAY!

OK… YES THEY WERE 85% OFF AT THE TIME. YAY!!

MY LAST DOCTORS APPOINTMENT WAS A FEW DAYS AGO. I HAD AN X-RAY DONE OF MY THORACIC AND LUMBAR SPINE - I’VE HAD PROLONGED PAIN.

THIS IS THE HARD PART. SOME MAY REMEMBER MY SAYING THE WORDS. "I DON'T KNOW HOW MUCH LONGER I’LL BE ABLE TO WALK"

I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT THE FUTURE HOLDS.

WHAT I DO KNOW IS THIS, I'M GOING TO LIVE MY LIFE AND MAKE RAINBOWS OUT OF THUNDERSTORMS.

WHAT THIS ALL MEANS. It is going to get a little technical here...

"THORACIC

"REASON FOR EXAM: MID BACK PAIN ACUTE BONY ABNORMALITIES WERE NOT IDENTIFIED. THERE WAS FINDINGS SUGGESTING MILD ROTATION. I COULD ONLY QUESTION MILD WEDGING OF THE MID THORACIC REGION WITHOUT ACUTE BONY ABNORMALITIES AND ANTERTOR OSTEOPHYTES. NO ACUTE BONY ABNORMALITIES."

LUMBAR

"REASON FOR EXAM: CHRONIC BILATERAL LOW BACK PAIN, UNSPECIFIED WEATHER SCIATICA PRESENT. ACUTE BONY ABNORMALITIES WERE NOT IDENTIFIED. FUSION WITH INSTRUMENTATION HAS OCCURRED FROM L3-SI. THERE IS A SIGNIFICANT DECREASE IN THE DISC SPACE HEIGHT AT L2-3. WITH A GRADE I SPONDYLOLISTHESIS. LUMBAR FUSION, SPONDYLOSIS AND SPONDYLOLISTHESIS."

APTER I ARRIVED HOME YESTERDAY I HAD TO TAKE SOME TIME TO PROCESS… A LOT HAS BEEN ON MY HEART THESE LAST SIX MONTHS.

SO I DECIDED… I’M GOING TO LIVE MY LIFE! I'M GOING TO CHERISH THE MEMORIES…

HOPE I REMEMBER THESE Moments and memories..

AND KEEP THESE MEMORIES IN MY HEART.

I'M GOING TO EMBRACE THE PRESENT. EVEN DURING BITTERSWEET MOMENTS. AND CHERISH MY TIME WITH FAMILY. AND MAKE MORE MEMORIES.

I WILL BE HOPEFUL. I WILL BE BRAVE. I WILL ALLOW MYSELF GRACE. AND LET MYSELF CRY WHEN IT IS NEEDED. I WILL LIVE EACH DAY AS IF WERE MY LAST.

I WILL MAKE THIS LIFE GOING FORWARD BE THE BEST LIFE IT CAN BE!

I wanted to share a song I began to write back in the month of March.

WRITTEN BY EVELYN SCHWENKE. MARCH 2023.

“HAVE YOU EVER FELT LIKE YOU'RE DYING?

SICK AND TIRED OF TRYING,

WANT TO FEEL BETTER,

PLEASE DON'T MAKE IT SO HARD.

FEARS OF UNKNOWN MAKE YOU WORRY,

PAST MEMORIES FEEL SO BLURRY,

DREAMS OF THE FUTURE, PLEASE DON'T FADE AWAY.

AND THEN, YOU STAND UP AND SAY,

NOT TODAY,

I'M GONNA LIVE LIFE MY WAY,

TOMORROW ISN'T HERE YET, SO I'M GONNA LIVE TODAY.

AND THEN YOU STAND UP AND SAY, OK,

I'M NOT GONNA WAIT,

I'M GONNA KEEP ON TO SEE WHAT THE FUTURE HOLDS.”

I'M GONNA KEEP ON TO SEE WHAT FUTURE HOLDS.

Thank you for your continued thoughts, prayers, mantras, meditations, being here to support our family in person and from afar. It means more than you know.