How they felt..

 They felt like a hollow shell, going through the motions, unsure how to break out and go in a new direction. Concerned about the consequences of moving on. Feeling more friendship than deep love, trying to open their heart every day, only feeling slight moments during times of complete relaxation. 

Realizing that food was their substitution for a caring person in their life, food was the comfort they weren't getting at whatever time it was. Still feeling that nudge to overeat occasionally. 

They feel like it is an obligation to stay, almost out of fear or worry of the "what ifs" that will arise from their family, as they won't fully understand why. However giving more credit than many would because children, family, friends, because people pick up on the little things, even if you don't think they do.

The last few weeks and months they haven't felt right, and truth be told, things haven't felt right for years, they didn't know if they ever truly did. 

They were going with the motions of life. Doing what they thought was the correct thing to do. They weren't taught to really love themselves, and accept love from others. They were raised with knowing fear, disappointment, people-pleasing, doubting themselves, second guessing when they felt they did something correct and worrying that they were doing things wrong. 

They sought after love the wrong ways, seeking approval, and compromising their values. Laughing or joking to fit in and be accepted by others. Even when they had "foot in mouth" moments, and it bothered them, they rarely spoke up and said anything. 

Now, they are more confident in themselves, and yes, they have a lot of elements happening right now, however by being able to think more clearly, better memory. Even with the challenge of difficulties with short and long term memory. 

They are in a more peaceful place, however they are not comfortable being themselves when they are with certain other people. And most recently some sudden shifts of change with others, when the other people decide to make it happen, it bothers them. Bothers them because it doesn't feel natural, it feels like they are putting on an act, a show for others, perhaps to not lead on that there is trouble in paradise. Or perhaps out of desperation to hold onto a relationship that is falling apart. 

They feel like they can't talk as openly with others anymore. Like they don't like themselves when they are with certain people. Although they like and cherish their friendships. They don't know what to do. When they talk with those they are having conflict with, there is a feeling of the other party shutting down, unable to have a real conversation. They feel a little lost right now, and so very tired.